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we make the shippers crazy like woah

when theyre somewhere like 16 or 17, john and dave both go through the “just keep letting your hair grow out til it starts doing a flippy thing” hair phase and john’s gets flippy but dave’s is just kinda straight so it just flops and they both look ridiculous

Chapter Two of “When You Weren’t Listening;…” is up on Ao3

Here is the link ==> Shazaam.

(humanstuck) when sollux and karkat are somewhere around 18 or 19, they decide that theyre gonna get drunk and party, but what that really means is that they steal booze from the cupboard on a saturday when theyre hanging out at sollux’s house and his parents are out of town, and they proceed to get pretty much completely horribly drunk and play video games and play some loud music and pretend like they know anything about dancing, but then they end up watching M*A*S*H reruns at 3 in the morning, and makeout for a little while before they cant even really stand up very well, at which time they promptly pass out, tangled together on sollux’s bed, with bits of twizzlers in their hair, and wake up in the morning to their first hangovers. sollux gets them ibuprofen, and karkat is absolutely irate, and they stay in bed the entire day and sort of just cuddle and complain about their headaches.

Title: When You Weren’t Listening; alternatively titled, John Egbert You Fucking Douche I Love You

Author: uwagaglasses (Def)

Rating: Mature, mostly for language and I guess some intense sloppy makeouts, who knows

Summary: John has never been particularly good at paying close attention to exactly what Dave says to him over chat. You could even say that he has completely missed a lot of things that he probably shouldn’t have. So when he and Dave are finally able to hang out in person, and Dave realizes this, he gets a little upset. But then they decide to chill one night and have a movie night, and John finally sees some of the things that he missed.

Author’s note: Wow this is sort of my first fanfiction in several years, please don’t kill me okay?

Just.. yeah. I hope this isn’t as bad as I fear it to be.

Also on AO3.

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after several months of dating, and having had sex several times already, dave decides that he should take the opportunity to try and spice up his and john’s sexytimes.

so he decides to get a nurse outfit and go with the whole nurse/patient dealie and its dave right, so he goes all out and has the hat and the socks and a stethoscope and a fake syringe and everything, and he surprises john when he gets back to their apartment from work, and the lights are all off and dave is pretty much succeeding in the sexy department, and their night begins as a pretty good time, but then dave pulls out the syringe and is all like “bend over, its time for your shot” (and we all know what he was really going to do, come on), but dave was unaware that john has a horrible needle phobia, and he freaks out and just kind of leaves the room in a state of panic.

dave finds him in the back of their closet underneath the hanging clothes with all the lights off and says he’s sorry, and they proceed to have romantic makeouts in the closet (the cute slow, forgiving kind, not the wild sloppy kind), and after that, dave makes sure he gets all kinky sexytime things approved beforehand.

• Sometimes when Sollux gets mood-swingy, Karkat needs to remind him that they’re matesprits and not kismesis, but sometimes they get in a tussle, and it ends in rough sex. Sollux feels guilty after, and Karkat acts angry and won’t admit he sort of likes it.

• Sollux really likes Karkat’s name, because of the ‘kk’ symmetry, and also because it’s sort of sharp and rough like Karkat’s personality.

• Karkat freaks out at the idea of taking care of children (even of they’re other peoples’) but he’s really good at it when he’s actually put in that situation. Sollux is pretty bad about it, because he’ll ignore it/them, and treat it/them like an adult.

• Dave teases Sollux a lot, for being a ‘nerd/geek’ and having a lisp (which Sollux pretty much ignores just because it’s Dave), but it’s mostly him being defensive; Dave is secretly jealous of him, because Sollux can be cool without trying.

• Sollux gets really mad at Dave if he ever bad-mouths Karkat (Sollux and John usually get along), and Karkat gets mad at Sollux for trying to fight his battles.

• Dave and Sollux usually just verbally abuse eachother and try to get a rise out of one another, and the tension builds until it breaks and they have angry sex, then pretend it didn’t happen.

• Most of Sollux’s friends are used to his weird biological quirks, but the ‘kids’ aren’t (because they haven’t known him as long). Dave is constantly mesmerized by his bi-chromatic eyes.

• Sollux is used to speaking somewhat condescendingly to his friends (mostly Karkat), but when he talks down to Dave, Dave flips shit. He won’t be looked down upon by others.

• Dave doesn’t care about programming, which sort of posses Sollux off. They aren’t competetive so much (because they don’t share much in common), but more so they disagree about everything - lots of tension.

so in troll culture, not many trolls have the same symbols right


hardly any of them have the same symbols

so where do they get their shirts?

they obviously cant just be mass produced, because not enough people would need the same shirt

so i think that they all probably have to come up with a way to make their own shirts

some of them paint theirs, some might use iron on paper if they have it

or some might use blood

or magic

or maybe even embroider it on

John: Get the Last Word

by VastDerp


5 Chapters


I would highly recommend that anyone who ships JohnDave reads this fic. It’s short and a little different than most fics, but it is so good.